What nobody understands today is that I'm having a very bad day.
I am tired and lonely even when I am resting,
even when I am not alone, even when I am smiling
I can tell I'm not okay
I want to look outside and see the world fall apart
but what I really need is some sleep,
a slab of salmon and a proper mango tea.
But I lie on the sleeping mat, thinking about
how I can't afford
neither the destruction nor the healing
not even think about life's meaning
I wish I have a proper house,
away from the rhinitis, the itchy pillows, and the mosquitoes.
Away from the thieves who like to creep at night
and steal away my peace.
I wish I was at home
and it was story time with little Koko again
and movie time with my Pao and Gab and Nat
and dinner time with my parents again,
and I don't have to worry
about not having someone beside me
when I get nightmares in my head
and grind my teeth in sleep.
For tonight I will just try to doze off
and maybe I'll see
a prettier life in my dream
a bouncier dance, a happier beat, away from the manic-depressive swings
