I Have Become Stupid

I have forgotten how to write, but in an attempt to express my feelings, I will.

I'm growing tired of holding this world up just so everyone can complain about everything that is going wrong. I feel like a politician trying to appease her constituents when I think I know better and would rather rule with an iron fist. But that is not possible in this hipsterful world of freedoms and individualities.

Maybe it is my fault after all. Maybe this is my system of governance falling apart and I just need to keep track of all the shit I have to start, troubleshoot, and finish. Or maybe this is just the summer ending.

If I knew how to draw (or paint), I would draw myself across Shuster St., right outside the Benitez Hall, right when the rain fell. I stand on the pavement--stunned, not able to move. Different--and scattered--thoughts run in my mind, like: Should I run for shade towards the next building or  should I run straight for home in the other direction? This is cool, by the way. But very inconvenient. It does not look like it will last too long, no? All at the same time hoping that the rain will not catch up with me.

This describes exactly what I'm feeling right now. This would make a dream sequence too, but who has the resources, right?

This is a crappy post but at this point, it's better than nothing (or throwing a fit.) It is my duty and responsibility to keep this little world sane. For now, at least. Until the next escape.

Growing and learning

As it happens lately, I only get the urge to post something here when I can't spill what's on my mind to my boyfriend. I haven't been feeling confident these days and a conversation we had today didn't help. It was nothing serious nor special, completely casual, but it left me feeling like shit. He did not say anything wrong and has zero fault on this. We were talking about astrological signs and I don't even believe on such things. Just some points were raised that made me reflect about my character, attitude towards other people, and capabilities.

It's no big deal. I just can't start work until I learn to resolve this with myself and stop this worthless and unhealthy musings.