Sunday, July 15, 2018

when u wanna b a gender-bending anarchist wiccan at 30

turning 30 in a month but it feels like turning 15 all over again am i rite

I really tried to fit in so I could live an acceptable life but by heavens! Is it boring and basic and just plain useless to the world! What is the point of living if the only point is to appease self and others! Where is the struggle people? Where is the courage to go beyond? This is cowardice!

Sunday, July 1, 2018

the real hypomania

So yesterday i went to QC for a viewing of our film. After that, I dropped by a location for a short film just to be told that our request has been denied and we can't shoot there. Yeah, I'm screwed.

After that I went to have my nails done but the salon was so done with manicures for the day they're like girl it's so fucking late for that go party. So I went to the bar where my friend's pride talk is happening. My friend A arrived later on.

In the middle of the talk, my friend C arrived and I felt something squeeze my stomach. I knew I had to get out of there so after the talk was done I made no excuses and left with A. I mean maybe if he stayed I would have stayed a bit longer but he had to leave so I had no one to hang out with while my ex hovers around ugh just the thought.

Anyway so we left. Went to our friend's benefit gig. This friend suffered a stroke and his friends put up a gig to raise funds. I paid 500 for entrance I'm pretty broke at the moment so. My friend G arrived then we all went to catch dropped G off then went to the condo with CPP to blaze out.

It was nice.
Actually the entire night was nice except that A wouldn't stop commenting on how beautiful I looked with my new haircut. It is a bit flattering up to a certain point but just. Stop. I eventually clipped my bangs so that he wouldn't get distracted by my pretty haircut anymore. Ugh men so ughhh.

Anyway, smoking with friends is always so much fun! Lots. Of. Shade.

Woke up the next day with A already gone. Went all the way to the south to have lunch with my family.

Sat down with my earphones on in the bookstore to read the film script. Went to my meeting all the way in the north. Then went home. I was slightly paranoid that our producer might fall for me. I mean just give then whole A thing and my past experience with E. I just don't want people falling for anymore. I just can't.

It's a struggle. I want people to like me but not to fall for me.