far in too deep

Surprise. It's me, writing here, instead of being content with a quick Twitter rant.

I have a new boyfriend. (Not entirely new but new officially.) But he has a problem with... caring enough with how I feel? Not because he's doing it deliberately but because he just doesn't know how. He doesn't seem to respect my time and my feelings as much as I would want him to. I do know that he's trying. I just need to figure out if this is something I can stand for the long run. The real old boyfriend spoiled me to bits so there's much to live up to in terms of expectations, really. He ended up breaking my heart though so what does that say?

Is it too late to be questioning if I made the right decision? Have I already made a decision?

This is not the best time to get into a new relationship. A new relationship requires a lot of work and I really need to be focusing on my work. I have a heavy responsibility now that I have taken the role of a producer. A role that I am clearly not ready for. Well, that was one of 2019's biggest mistakes, establishing myself as a producer when I am not yet there. We'll how Ikigai and mindfulness play in my 2020. If I fail though, is there really something to be upset about? I know that if I'm with the old boyfriend, I'd feel safe and secure even after failure. With the new one though, I'm just scared he'll leave me. What does that mean?

i will

so i chose love.

it's a struggle which i don't know if i'm emotionally equipped for. i guess we'll see.

work comes first for now. focus and flow.