I just "found out" from my boyfriend that he might be staying in Canada for a really long time. I think I've known that for a while but there was the comfort of knowing that there's an option of living somewhere else, living in the Philippines. I think it's final now though. Apparently, he will need to stay to pay off his student loan.
I'm not really sure what to make of it.
If I live in the Philippines, there's the great probability that I would stay where I am in life. Struggling like everyone else, but I will be surrounded by friends and family. It is scary to think about what could happen. I can imagine myself dying from stress. It is really not that far from possible.
Living in Canada, life would be more comfortable. But being away from family and friends might make me miserable and this might make me resent him.
I guess the best way is to try Canada for a short time and see from there.
Thursday, November 30, 2017
Saturday, November 25, 2017
Fuck Romance
I think sometimes I get tired of romantic.
Romantic is for the first kiss with a stranger, the accidental brush of your hand against your crush's hand, for staying out late and hitting it off with someone you think gets you but in reality, they don't really know you. Romantic isn't for serious relationships, for people who are planning for their future together, for couples who are comfortable with telling their partner that their tummy is grumbling and they need to take a poop.
I don't think there's a compromise.
Romantic is for the first kiss with a stranger, the accidental brush of your hand against your crush's hand, for staying out late and hitting it off with someone you think gets you but in reality, they don't really know you. Romantic isn't for serious relationships, for people who are planning for their future together, for couples who are comfortable with telling their partner that their tummy is grumbling and they need to take a poop.
I don't think there's a compromise.
Thursday, November 23, 2017
trying to bring my life back
The thing I miss most is creativity.
I've been working in the advertising industry for a year now and it had stripped me of all my humanity. I can't even write a blog post anymore.
--
I've been browsing through my old blogs earlier and it seems like I've really only loved a few guys in this lifetime. No, I didn't love all of them. I could tell from the way I wrote about them.
--
I've been going out more the past few weeks. I drank almost every day last week. Even went on an impromptu trip to Baler.
--
I reconnected with an old friend, A. While it is nice to have a bestfriend, there are complications. My boyfriend isn't comfortable about it and some of my friends are doubting the intention. Probably because of my history? I dunno.
--
I just want to live again.
I've been working in the advertising industry for a year now and it had stripped me of all my humanity. I can't even write a blog post anymore.
--
I've been browsing through my old blogs earlier and it seems like I've really only loved a few guys in this lifetime. No, I didn't love all of them. I could tell from the way I wrote about them.
--
I've been going out more the past few weeks. I drank almost every day last week. Even went on an impromptu trip to Baler.
--
I reconnected with an old friend, A. While it is nice to have a bestfriend, there are complications. My boyfriend isn't comfortable about it and some of my friends are doubting the intention. Probably because of my history? I dunno.
--
I just want to live again.
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