just need to get started

My head is hurting. It's a Monday and for most of us, that means start of the week's work. Staring at the screen is triggering my nausea but I can't just let that hinder the start of the work week. Work is a responsibility, a commitment. Necessary, mandatory. Some people would argue, put your self first. Work is just work. It's not worth sacrificing yourself on. How about integrity though? What is integrity worth? And isn't pulling through on what you have committed to, being responsible knowing that others rely on you, doing your work, a practice of integrity? 

Is pride not considered a value anymore? Something archaic and outdated? I feel conflicted by this. I still standby what is right. Just do what is right; if you feel it is not right, don't do it. I still trust my judgment. And I think my wisdom has shown once I allowed myself to be responsible. So no, I do not think putting yourself is always right. You still have to know where your values lie. And I will not let go of mine.

My values:

1. Integrity - responsibility, honesty, excellence
2. Strength - patience, perseverance, resilience
3. Wisdom - kindness, humility, gratitude, joy

Fortitudo in Patientia
Gaudium in Sapientia
Ductus a Integritate

happy birthday

i just felt like going in here because there has been a lot swirling in my mind. probably better to get them down on (digital) paper so i can start to focus on other things.

i wish i could pinpoint the anxiety. but i think it's probably just a general feeling of uncertainty and not being in control yet. of what? of the future i've been envisioning. whenever i feel something like this, i really have to act on it and do something to reach it. otherwise it's just endless feeling of unrest. i felt the same way with the cinema, that was until we lost the location.

on another note, i've been craving a personal space for recharging. i think i was able to survive without one because i knew i just had to hang in there. but it's been almost 5 years both without a personal space and with a regular workload so it's been getting difficult to sustain my energy.

other than though, my family is really all i need. the more i get older, the more this becomes true.